I'm a fat recreational ballet dancer with a pacemaker.
Body positive. Strong believer in Health At Every Size.
This place is a repository for my mind. At the moment that seems to mostly be ballet, heart stuff, pretty things and random geekery.

*Not an actual disney princess, accidental or otherwise. That would be tragic. I would be the worst disney princess ever. Completely positive.

 

When chronically ill people watch TV or play video games, we aren’t just goofing off or being lazy.

youneedacat:

Not that we’re incapable of goofing off or being lazy, but hear me out.

Watching TV and playing video games both put you into a mild trance-like state that makes you less aware of your surroundings.  This has the side-effect of making you less aware of physical pain and discomfort.  Because of this, a lot of people with chronic pain or chronic illness turn to TV and video games as a cheap and easy means of pain control, or otherwise distraction from unpleasant symptoms.

You should never make us feel ashamed for doing this, because then we often internalize it, and worse, stop doing it when we need to do it for fear of being criticized.

Also?  Sometimes television is the only thing a person’s brain can handle doing when they’re really, really sick and weak.  Too sick to read, too sick to play video games, too sick to use a computer, but still able to watch TV.  This becomes essential to keep from getting bored out of our skulls.  Especially when you’re the sort of person who only becomes bored when you’re sick. 

You shouldn’t judge people for playing video games or watching TV anyway.  But it’s particularly cruel to judge people who are doing it as a means of pain relief or otherwise dealing with symptoms of a chronic illness.

Some thoughts on self confidence as a fat girl

I’ve been getting a lot of asks lately asking how I developed my self confidence, and basically it boils down to this: It’s not so much that I’m in love with how I look, but I am fiercely proud of what I am capable of in both body and mind. Of course I love pretty dresses, nice hair and I have an ongoing love affair with glitter nail polish. These things are nice, they make for a good picture, but they do not create the essence of confidence that people seem to see in my images. THAT is all me- and no outside source is capable of creating it. 

That said, I wonder why I feel the need to label myself as a “fat dancer”. Despite all that, part of me still feels as though I could never label myself simply as “dancer” or tag any of my images as “ballet” or “dance”- at least not without the word “fat” in front of it. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t believe that “fat” is an insult. It is merely a descriptor. But there is a small part of my mind that still believes that my current body does not deserve the simple title of “dancer”.

Why am I telling you this? Basically to back up another aspect of developing self confidence that is crucial to realize: Learning to love yourself is NOT a linear development. It does not happen over night. It is not a straight slope up. Like ANY life journey, it has hills and valleys. One day your confidence may be soaring, and a moment later you wonder why anyone thinks your worth anything at all. You can even have all of these feelings at once. I am amazing in one way, but worthless in ten. Those feelings of low self esteem DO NOT negate the small but growing feelings of self love you are developing. It’s OKAY to feel this way. Your feelings are always valid, whether you can explain them or not. 

You want to know how to love your body? Learn to love yourself. You are so much more than how you look. It’s been said that self confidence is the best accessory, but more than that, once you truly have that core of self worthiness nothing anyone says against you matters worth a damn.

I guess that’s how I realized that even though I still have nagging negative thoughts about some things, the confidence is what dominates now. I’ve been lucky. I haven’t been attacked for my size all that often like many here have. As always, I will be bigger than many and smaller than some. When it happens it certainly annoys me, but more often than not I’m amused by the whole thing. What is missing in these people’s lives that they have to derive pleasure from bringing other people down? In all honesty, that sounds like a whole lot of their problem. Better to ignore and move on. I’m also not above laughing at an insult if it actually happens to be amusing or witty. I have no problem admitting my flaws or laughing at myself.

I think this all comes down to reaching a certain level of true self confidence and knowing exactly who I am. It’s also something that comes with time and age. It’s best to start this journey young, but it’s okay if you can’t. Take it as you can. Even if all you have at the moment is a small voice in the back of your head that says you are worthy being loved, that is enough. Wanting to love yourself is the first step in this journey. Take it from there, one day at a time. This is something that delves so much deeper than your looks. It is not your job to be beautiful, but you will find the beauty in yourself once you realize that a body is just a body, but YOU will always be you. Everything else is just accessories. Fabulous accessories maybe, but not what makes YOU you. Don’t ever forget that.

little-yogi:

I think I was meant to live on water. This is my happy place 🌊 (at Elk Neck State Park)

little-yogi:

I think I was meant to live on water. This is my happy place 🌊 (at Elk Neck State Park)

poetic:

is it just me or do you think it’d be helpful if they showed a model in the size you were looking for when you’re trying to shop online, like yes that looks great in size small but what about the other sizes 

That’s why I love sites that allow you to upload pictures with reviews. I always look for the reviews with pictures on modcloth and love it when I see a bigger person upload a picture so I can get an idea of how it would look on me- even with measurements and the size they bought sometimes. I’m also uploading my pics so hopefully I can help do the same for others. Her universe also shows plus size models if you hover over their pictures. Super helpful.

Those boots are totally the wrong thing to wear with this dress. But my feet weren’t cold any more, so no regrets! I’m also not sure what I think about how this dress fits me. It’s the Illustration Intern dress in a size 22, but it’s pinned back buy about 4 inches and the top fits a little oddly. I still kind of like it though for a bit of a 60’s/70’s vibe. 

Those boots are totally the wrong thing to wear with this dress. But my feet weren’t cold any more, so no regrets! I’m also not sure what I think about how this dress fits me. It’s the Illustration Intern dress in a size 22, but it’s pinned back buy about 4 inches and the top fits a little oddly. I still kind of like it though for a bit of a 60’s/70’s vibe. 

darknessbloodyshadow123:

cloudsinmycoffee9:

this is literally the greatest subtitling job that has ever been done. someone learned how to speak cat.

*laughs irl*

(Source: iraffiruse)

the-fandoms-are-cool:

the-drug-child:

i love this more then i really should

JESUS CHRIST WHY ARE WASPS HIGHER ON THE LIST THAN PRISONERS
PRISONERS AT LEAST HAVE THE CAPACITY TO SIT POLITELY AND CONGRATULATE YOU WASPS ARE THE PHYSICAL INCARNATION OF METATRON’S DICK FUCKING YOU IN THE ASS WITH NO LUBE

the-fandoms-are-cool:

the-drug-child:

i love this more then i really should

JESUS CHRIST WHY ARE WASPS HIGHER ON THE LIST THAN PRISONERS

PRISONERS AT LEAST HAVE THE CAPACITY TO SIT POLITELY AND CONGRATULATE YOU WASPS ARE THE PHYSICAL INCARNATION OF METATRON’S DICK FUCKING YOU IN THE ASS WITH NO LUBE

(Source: mrmiyahgi)

snorlaxatives:

why the fuck does everyone in the purge movies want to kill people if crime was legal i’d find a way to erase my student debt and also probably steal a bunch of new clothes