I'm a fat ballet dancer with a pacemaker.
Body positive. Strong believer in Health At Every Size.
This place is a repository for my mind. At the moment that seems to mostly be ballet, heart stuff, pretty things and random geekery.

*Not an actual disney princess, accidental or otherwise. That would be tragic. I would be the worst disney princess ever. Completely positive.


Let me preface this by saying I haven’t had a serious pointe class for about three years. But tonight, I found myself with a little victory. Some background: a little over a year and a half ago, after dealing with some serious arrhythmia problems, I started to go into heart failure. Around that time I had pretty bad edema in my legs. I had open heart surgery that fixed my heart and saved my life, but the edema never seemed to go away. With that extra edema, my pointe shoes no longer fit me. Which was fine, since I was content to take my classes on flat anyway. But once in a while I’d try my old pointes on just to see if they’d fit. They never did. 

A few days ago I noticed that my edema was all but gone. What had been 3+ pitting edema that had plagued me as a tell tale sign of my former heart problems was now… gone! So I had to try. I had to see if I could get my old pointe shoes on. These are nothing technical, but what they represent is so important to me. I’ve been working hard over the past year and a half to get my life back together, and this is a sign that maybe, just maybe, I will be able to recover from this 100%. 

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